Adoption Rejection & Employment

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This is the first blog of too many. I say this because adoption is a huge and complex subject. I’ve not begun this blogroll at the beginning but rather where I’m at with sorting through the gazillions of boxes which are adoption in my life. It’s worse than moving house! In fact, that’s a whole other line of discussion.

Ok, so this blog is about Adoption, Rejection and Employment. It’s like a drop down menu. Adoption is one category, rejection another and the more recent sub menu which I’ve found and added – EMPLOYMENT.

There is much discussion about adoption and rejection in the context of mother and baby/now adult and there is even loads on how rejection affects your personal relationships however I’ve not seen anything as yet on how it affects other aspects of adoptees lives. For example, employment. I actually stumbled across this recently within myself as my current situation is that I find myself on the unemployment round about yet again. Now, for anyone who understands adoption and rejection, the principle can certainly be applied to the work scenario. For me, stability and security are paramount for me to be able to feel fully grounded; safe, if you will. I understand that this is a basic human need, adopted or not, but for an adoptee it means SO MUCH MORE. It’s all about the fight for survival. What would be the somewhat shaky ground for the biologically attached, is actually a 6.2 on the Richter scale for an adoptee.

Employment. I find myself having given up. Time out to have children. Taking “stepping stone” jobs until I can redeem my skills to obtain more permanency in the workforce. Waiting. Waiting. Finally, I land a job which pays really well and I raise my hopes that I will now have a secure life, a secure job. One year later, gone. I lost my house as I couldn’t afford the rent and life snowballed into an avalanche of uncertainty living day by day. That was about 3 years back and nothing has changed, just the scenery. I spent the following 12 months busying myself into study believing that if I got up to speed with the current generation, that I would land my job. Wrong. What I landed was more insecure jobs. When you have nothing, you take what you can get right? Gaining employment helps you move from one situation (which you want out of, perhaps even one that is forced upon you) to a better one. So you take the leap for the umpteenth time in hope that this time you can begin to build a life. Then wait. What was that? Oh the familiar sound of unemployment. Knocking on the door again and again. Last year alone I lost two jobs through replacement and redundancy and another was a “fill in”. Not bad for one year.

I. can’t. do. this. any. more.

People do not know how much insecurity and instability affect an adoptee. I’m not saying that these things happen only to adoptees but I am saying that the effect of this has a greater impact on an adoptee. I speak for myself here. I am at the point where I have a string of jobs behind me = instability = feeling low about that/myself. Then when at an interview, if the miracle arises where I get to that point, there is the need to explain the string of jobs, the gaps, the variation and it goes on. I also find myself having to yet again move house. This is becoming an at least, yearly event which is also adding to the turmoil. If I could expose what is going on inside me with how I feel about all this, it would look something like a colourful Spirograph pattern across a large piece of butchers paper. Of course, there are most likely other contributing factors. It’s not what I want and I’m not proud to admit this but I can not count how many jobs I have had. All I have wanted and all I do want, is stability and I won’t give up fighting for that but I’m not going to do it in the way which is expected of me because that way, does not result in my needs being met. It does not give me stability and a place to live for more than 12 months. The problem is that it seems the universe will not allow me to have this basic need met.

Adoptees are “special needs” people which are unrecognised. The traumas which have happened to us at birth have affected us in ways which do not make us the same as general society. When thrown to the ocean, mostly we can swim, we learned that at our first breath, we swim to survive however sometimes the things which we get thrown into consume us inside and we can’t cope or we might need help to work out how to overcome or work around something. Sometimes, we need specialised help but unfortunately, there is very little to none available at the moment.

Adoption. Rejection. Employment.

I realise that I’m here and feeling the way that I do, largely, because I can’t take the constant string of rejection that I’m receiving through employment. I can’t face truly plunging myself into job seeking any more or even devoting myself to a position within another business, probably because of that. There’s only so many times you can be hit by the car before you say, “I’m not going to step onto the road.” I don’t want “Stepping Stone” jobs. It’s necessary to work to survive but for the adoptee, seeking employment in this day and age is almost like deliberately going out to seek rejection and/or instability which exacerbates the already underlying beginning of life rejection issue. Of course I will continue to seek employment, of course I will do what is necessary and expected because I have to. This is merely one of the internal conflicts that is the result of being an adoptee.

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